It’s been really hard to blog after not blogging for awhile. In the past five months, I was clinically depressed after Johnny’s birthday. After his birthday, it was his memorial day. That really didn’t help me. I didn’t really reach out to people because it’s been three years. I didn’t want to burden people with that thought, the thought of how his life could have been if he hadn’t died.
Between his birthday and my birthday, I’m located in a dark period of my life. I have sporadic weeks where I don’t eat or sleep normally. Then there are weeks where I sleep all the time but continue to eat very little.
It’s hard to imagine life without your siblings being a part of it. I wish the me now warned the younger me. I should have cherished more of my time with my siblings. I suppose that I cause the onset of my depression by feeling guilty of living. I wish he was just living with the rest of us. Instead of the statements, you should be living the life that Johnny could have lived.
Sigh, I’m sorry for the down. I promise to post an uplifting post soon.