Coming back is hard.

It’s been hard getting back into the pace of blogging. I was so butt-hurt about my last relationship that I was too scared to showcase my feelings or thoughts openly.

I love writing for the essence of stress-relieving. It really helps me move on from the issues that cause me to feel muddled. I would usually reread at the end of the day and laugh about it. Tell myself that it was stupid and it was going to be ok.

Writing my open thoughts was stripping myself naked. I knew that, but after that time, I was scared and living in fear. Essentially, the fear took over. I lived life, miserably, for the past 18 months. My attitude with my friends changed. I wasn’t as kind as I was before. I knew I was a negative person. I didn’t want to bring negative vibes, so I even isolated myself even more.

Everything that I ‘loved’ to do completely stopped. From singing to eating out, I was living in a depressive state of mind. Even my work for the sorority deteriorated, work was transitioning so much that I only focused on my job only. I definitely excelled, but at the same time, I wasn’t happy at all.

My contract for work was ending, so I figured it’d be the perfect time to pack my bags and head home. I don’t have any regret moving home from New York. It’s been two months since I’ve packed my bags, and life hasn’t been any easier.

I came home with a big surprise. It was not a happy one either. I knew that my dad had symptoms of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), but he’s a hard person to convince. I can’t drag anyone to the doctor’s office in my family without fronting the bill for it. [Haha] The sad part is that I don’t even have health insurance. Stupid irony.

— My next few posts will be ranting.


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